I have been so lost in whatever void I have been in lately. So much doesn't make sense and I can't even tell you where I have been, where I am going, or what's been going on. There seems to be a detachment from my existence lately. A new numbness maybe has set in to help protect myself from the massive traumatic injury to my soul. Relearning how to walk in life, kinda sucks.
I have an amazing group of supportive friends who keep me distracted. I keep jumping out every now and then for new experiences. Trying to push myself to be who I told Adam I wanted to be. Kinda faltering along the way as well. Doing things he wanted us to do together. Doing things I wanted us to do together. I am really am sticking to living the life we dreamed together. Just cause he isn't around like he should be doesn't mean his ideas and dreams and goals for US should be ignored. I am still here and we are still US, just he happens to be away for... like ever. Still his life, still mine, still ours. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
It really is so odd to be half a person. To try to find strength inside yourself to pick yourself back up and try to push forward. Ultimately I am moving towards my grave and that makes me happy. Like ah, one day, its guaranteed I will be gone and I will be out of this hell and its GUARANTEED!! WOOOOO!!! Only thing in this whole entire life I can be certain of. It helps. Not knowing when erks the hell out of me, but its gonna happen.
Anyways I know I have been MIA lately. Once I wander back towards a computer again I will write some more.
