Xmas is just a day

Is this what it is like to be an atheist? Or of some other religion? I was raised a Catholic and my whole life up until last year I celebrated. I would wake up every Christmas morning and run around the house. I would first shake and pick up as many presents as possible then go jump on Adam to wake him up. I think he was awake long before I started squeeling in his ear. He said it made him love me more when he got to watch me be a giddy kid. We were both kids at heart and those situations when you got to be a kid were our happiest. Like theme parks and opening presents!

I just don't care anymore. Its another stupid holiday that reminds me that he isn't here. Coupled with the fact that the 24th is the half year of his departure. 18 months on xmas eve. Next year will be 30 months. How is that even possible?!?! Also I am angry at God for not saving him.... for taking my beloved away. Why split us up? "Why do the twins have to be split up? Either both of them should live or both of them should die." Words from his son. Its highly upsetting. So I am not going to celebrate the birth of the man who refused to mortally save my wonderful man. Why couldnt he get a real second chance?

Speaking to others who are not in the same boat as me so to speak have also noted that the holiday is just a joke now. I don't know if we are all getting cynical or what. Maybe the war on christmas was already fought and won. Its just a joke now anyways. It makes the day far more manageable when you are around a bunch of other people who just don't give a damn anymore.

My lessons from 2 xmas without my love....First year hide under the covers, second year hang out with a bunch of people who are just as cyncial about the holiday as you. I'll let ya know next year how to deal with year number 3.