Slowly been making progress in my life. Still sticking to the original goals even though the timeline is totally screwed up. 10 months behind. I am trying to move things along and finding strength within myself to push towards our dreams. I am still here and every word he spoke, dream he dreamed, want... was not in vain. I'm doing it baby and I know you are by my side even if its not in a physical capacity.
There are some issues I am just trying to prove to myself and the universe that I can get something I really want and short of my own death, I won't be stopped. Which it does cross my mind, holy crap the universe is gonna kill me to prove a point that control really is just an illusion. damn. Then I think that is just horse crap and refocus my attention on achieving my goal and satisfying my desire.
I am finding the old me again. Which is awesome! So many lose themselves in this journey or decide to create a whole new identity. Maybe proof to my laziness? loyalty? stubbornness? Whatever it maybe, I am finding my way back to myself. I have new found information that has provided a clearer outlook on life. Like proof to an idea I had before that I struggled to do so often. Which is... don't sweat the small stuff and laugh it off when you can. Adam made it easier to do but now I can do with ease on my own. Someone not holding a door open for you is funny and not offensive. I was raised with manners be a gentleman and hold the door for a lady! Then I picture them being raised by wolves or growing up in a barn or by some yokel and I just laugh. Though a southern yokel would have raised their child to be polite and courteous. I saw Beverly Hillbillies!
So things are moving in the right direction even if not at the pace I prefer. I hope the next week solidifies one of my objectives that should cause a domino effect to other key desires. Fingers crossed
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