Skeptical

So I know I have kind of faded off of here for awhile and I am going to change that pronto. I am trying to adapt to my new life and well its time consuming. I need to make time for myself, time to grieve, time to really evaluate everything that has been happening, where I've been and where I am going. Its been hard because I rarely get breathing room and when I want it... well... the poor old widow can't say no. I need to let people know they have limits with me and I have been too nice lately. So reclaiming MY life and MY time and do MY own thing. I need it.

With the title of this post I have been racking my brain over an event that happened a few weeks ago. I still have epic trust issues and rightfully so. I don't know the true nature of others, and Adam's own hesitations scream to me to be cautious. Lets say I have an eyebrow raised. Still fear the worse? If my own suspitions are true I will be driven into total madness. Yeah saw Shutter Island... I get it. Some horrors of life are just too hard to deal with. Some people have breaks. This partial sanity has been nice though.

I guess I am also skeptical of this term "happiness" that gets thrown around alot. "I want you to be happy." "How can I make you happy." I think I could become content. How about this. I will be as happy as I can be as half a human being. I'm fine. I can handle myself. I am okay with being sad now. I'm used to it. I'm used to feeling that hole in my heart. That hole, the emptiness, is the reminder that he did exist and it wasn't some marvelous dream that ended in such a nightmare.  People get used to living without limbs, doesn't mean that they are unaware of what they are missing every second of every day.