Spring to Change?

I love spring. Its the season of life, rebirth and change. I've been looking forward to it all summer. The warm air. The vibrant colors. Watching the world come back to life and take a huge sigh of relief that the winter wasn't too harsh at all. My first spring without him. Miami has no seasons, well maybe summer and then SUMMER. So even though I am closing in on 2 years with out him I am still in a world of first.
The day he came home things began to pick up speed for me. A significant shift back on to the path we were creating for ourselves. Little signs along the way, which I see as his nudges to keep me going forward. Though I've stayed close to the ideas and goals we wanted for ourselves, even accomplished some of the items, I have been hesitant, fearful maybe, of just staying on that path. I try to be brave and strong and say that it was the right thing to do to honor him and me and now I am realizing that its not just about that but that we did pave a highway for ourselves and I'm being an emo punk by staying off in the grass. That maybe the ideas we had were not just day dreams but predictions of our future. Okay death not apart of the scheme but maybe our connection is so strong and one of us was gonna be around to keep pursuing our dream. I have been blwon away by the possibility that achieving these dreams may come much easier than I ever expected. Where I thought I faced a mountain it is now appearing to be a small hill. Or I am fooling myself with hope and I'll end up in a rut again. I hope not though.

So spring and change and getting back on course. I am starting to study for my CFA. The reason I decided to study investments in grad school. Something we talked about in great length when deciding which track to take. He got his BI, why not me get the CFA? It'll be hard work but I think the pay off will be worth it. So another 3 years of studying. eeeeek! I can't turn down a good opportunity. I know it comes with hard work and sacrafice but I am doing it for me and I am doing it for him. He best be proud of me! I am trying. I see where I have faultered and I am not going to let those stumbles hold me down for too long. I just hope the weather stays warm and sunny for a bit. This cold darkness just doesn't do it for me.