Right now I am in shock that I am still alive. The pain at times has been excruciating. Grief is not limited to the emotions, it encompasses everything about you. There are days where you are just a puddle on the floor begging and pleading for relief. There is no drug, no treatment, on the market that will erase the loss.
One year is fast approaching. 50 days left. Reliving every emotion I felt then on top of every emotion I feel now. I have so many thoughts flying around in my head and every one I grab a hold of rips me apart a little bit more.
To those that know... I am back at square one. Yup, thought I was making some progress but this month, this week, today, has lifted me and thrown me back to all the horrible raw feelings of the first week. I was wondering when it would find me again. I ran when I could, fought when I had strength. Today I will allow this monster to run over me and tomorrow I will try to pick myself back up.
For now I am armed with boxes of klenex, water, and chap-stick.. the basic tools of grieving survival.
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