Why I must be in a coma...

Okay, so maybe I am in a hospital somewhere and I am in a coma. That would explain so much. Why I feel is presence so often. He is at my bedside. Those times he is not there he must be at home resting. Hospitals are no place for rest. I want to reach out and touch him but I am being held back. Sometimes I even hear his voice. I hear him talking to me. "Hellooooo?" "Wake up!" "I love you." All things I have heard vividly from the darkness. At times I can feel his touch.  A grip on my arm. A brush against the cheek. My hair being pushed away from my face. In this world I am in I cannot see him but I know it is him.

There have been moments where I feel like I can't breathe. The respirator must be malfunctioning. I have dreams of being in an empty hospital. I see my body laying on a bed. Sometimes I wander the halls and bump into new people like me. Those must be my out of body experiences. At times I am swimming in a dark peaceful void. Its wonderful and I don't want to leave but I want him so I slip back into my body. Something must have happened to my left shoulder. It hurts so much. Maybe I was in an accident?

My concept of time is so off. At times it feels I just got here and others it feels like an eternity. I hear time is irrelevant to people in a coma. That those who have had near death experiences have even mentioned that they have no concept of time. Where they feel the experience was a few moments it was days, or if the experience was long it was only for a few minutes.

A coma. That has to be the explanation for all of this. Since Adam is perfect to me, I have no unresolved issues to deal with about him. That must be why he is rarely in these visions. I am trying to work out issues of other relationships. To come to peace with them all. Possible.

When I wake up I won't be the same. Rarely are people who come out of coma's the same. Adam and I will be better. He hasn't left me. I try to react when he is around me so he knows I am thinking about him. That I know he is there. No way is he dead, or me for that matter. I am in some hospital somewhere recovering from some accident. I'll keep pushing myself to wake up. We have a life to live dammit.