It seems like everything is set on a timeline. You should be at this point in 6 weeks, 6 months, a year, two. That if you aren't moving at that pace something is wrong with you. Even other widows will point out that you are lagging behind, and I am sure with good hearts try to encourage you to take another step forward in you life. I won't say moving on. Really the death of a partner will stick with you for the rest of your life. Its an unavoidable fact that we all need to accept.
So I was told that I need to find someone knew at 6 months. Which I still to this day find highly insulting. Yes I am young. To most the idea of growing old alone is probably the most depressing thing in the world, but not to me. I am acceptant of the possible fate of moving through life alone. I had something really wonderful and I need to remember that and cherish it. There are people who will couple up who will never share the amount of love Adam and I had for eachother. That makes me sad. Why limit yourself? Then I have to ask myself the same question... why limit myself? What if love makes its way back into my life in the form of another human being? Could be from a child or another partner. Life is about love really. Heard it so many times. Read stories from NDE survivors. They talk about how the one thing that mattered most in the next life was love. So if love continues on into death, why should it stop in life?
There is so much left to sort through in my life to really fully commit myself to a yay or na to love. I want it for sure. I guess my issue is if I am even deserving of it. Hello? It was ripped away from me on June 24, 2010. Like wow. What was all that about? What does that really mean? And lets say we all do get reincarnated over and over again, what did we agree to with his early death? I'm sure we come down with some sort of spiritual growth game plan. Whether we learn or not is to be determined, but I wanna learn. I don't want to shut myself up and block out the world. He lived life to the fullest, why deny myself the life experiences he had. AND he had a many that I have yet to even come close to. Actually widowhood itself set up barricades around me so I couldn't experience those things. What if I can knock down those walls and say screw you society I am gonna go out there and do my own thing anyway.
Am I at peace with my progress thus far? Yes. Maybe instead of giving me relationship advice how about I give it to you? Cause I have some really good experience there and from what I know, and what I have gone through, the way your relationship looks, you will be miserable the rest of your life. YOU are denying YOURSELF a really deep and honest love. I rather be happy and alone then stuck in a relationship and miserable. Just saying.
So widows do what feels right to you. Don't shut yourself off from life. Its okay and normal to want to be alive and dead at the same time. Its okay to feel that way too. We have one crack at this life, and Adam is my inspiration to at least try and one up the kid. He has like three or four ups on me still! UGH! Game on my dear man, game on.
No comments:
Post a Comment