I am still incredibly lost. I used to know so much and now I know nothing. What does tomorrow hold for me? Will I even have a tomorrow? I try so hard to imagine my life at 30 (2 years away) and I feel absolutely nothing. Hell my birthday is less than two weeks away and feeling nada. There are no more expectations. No more fears of disappointment. A complete void of emotional connection of what is to come. This is not who I am. I have always felt something, doom and gloom, or pure happiness and now its just nothing. Now these thoughts should make me feel uneasy but they don't. Why read into something that doesn't matter? I know that these thoughts don't belong to the old me. A brief answer would be cool but its okay if I don't get it. Who is this girl?!
I used to think early on that I was disconnected now I know I wasn't. I feel more detached than ever before. I am a casual observer on this planet. I go out into the sun and just look up and marvel at the colors of the sky as a tourist looks up in amazement in time square. There is a need inside of me to just take this all in because tomorrow I maybe on the next plane out of town.
Just a few days off from 10 months and this is where I am?? Hmpf, whatever. Wow, seriously who is this person?
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