Bond of Silence

Haven't watched the made for tv lifetime movie yet. Been quietly thinking an event over....

The basics is I saw a print ad for the show...two of the girls in the show are from Caprica. I was like oh cool, Adam would have entertained me on this stupid observation. So I was looking at the cover and was like..."So Adam you want me to be quiet about something?" I roll my eyes and go to watch Jersey Shore (yea yea) and the commercial comes on. I'm like woah. Never seen the commercial before and haven't seen it since. I am taking it as a sign. Too weird but could be coincidental. I donno. So I have been shushed thinking it all over.

We made an agreement long long ago to not discuss the depths of our relationship to anyone. Most people have a superficial idea of our relationship and that's what we wanted. Kinda like celebrities keeping things hush hush. Why I won't post pictures of his face on here. Privacy. We already had a bond of silence and I think he was reminding me.

Still going to let you in on my horrible journey in this crappy life without him. Only people who have lost the loves of their life will ever "understand" the pain and agony I am in. I know plenty of people who will never meet the "one". I know some who have found them and they ignore me, treat me like a freak, because they don't want to face the cruel fact that they will lose EVERYTHING one day too. One of them will have to face this painful journey alone. Ignorance is bliss as they say. My OCD on dying kept us aware of the darkest day of our lives long before he ever got sick. He always joked it would be me first. I thought so too. ugh.